So You Think You Can Judge?

As you all may know I'm a die hard American Idol fan. Well, I was until last season happened, fuck you Lee. And now that Simon is officially gone I honestly don't really have a reason to watch anymore. . .until I heard that Ellen was also leaving and that Kara Diowhateverthefuck might get kicked out of the judges table.

SHIT JUST GOT REAL.
This opened up a shit ton of possibilities for a show that many people think should've ended 2 or 3 years ago.

As you may know, or should know, lots of names have been thrown around as possible new judges. Justin Timberlake, Elton John, Pharrell, Mariah Carey, Shania Twain, Harry Connick Jr, Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler, etc.

Basically half of these names are absolute bullshit. Elton John? Not gonna happen. Justin Timberlake? Definitely not gonna happen. Pharrell? Probably won't happen. Mariah Carey? Meh, it could happen since her career is in the shits.

So really the only people who really might join are Harry, Shania, Jennifer, and Steven Tyler. Honestly it's probably going to be J.Lo and Steven Tyler because they both are pretty much confirmed and they're both fine with me.

BUT THEN, I started thinking about who could take that show and turn it upside down ass up.

THEN, I started making a whole new judge line-up in my head and I think I finally have it nailed down.

Fuck all the people that I listed up there, kick Kara's dumbass to the street, air life Randy's fatass out of there.

THESE IS WHAT THE NEW AND IMPROVED AMERICAN IDOL JUDGES' TABLE SHOULD LOOK LIKE STARTING TWO WEEKS FROM NOW WHEN AUDITIONS REALLY START.
(Note, I am listing the judges in the order they should be seated from left to right, because some of these crazies won't work well sitting next to each other.)

Judge #1
-Tyra Banks: Her talk show is over, she doesn't know shit about music (so she's perfect to replace Ellen) and she's uber full of herself, like Simon. The big bonus is all the batshit crazy talk she'll spew out the moment it comes into her gigantic head, she won't care if a contestant isn't done singing she'll just go on about how fat she is now or some dumb shit like that.

Judge #2
-Justin Bieber: Yes, he maybe only 16 but he has more talent in that perfectly coiffed hairdo than most people have in their whole body. Plus, WHO DOESN'T HAVE BIEBER FEVER?!?!?!

Judge #3
-Marilyn Manson: He can dress crazier than Paula and yet still be a little less creepier than Kara. He knows his shit about music, he won't talk about Seacrest's sex life like Simon did, and he probably won't say much so that way Tyra can still have plenty of time to talk about her weave and shit. He can also mentor the inevitable Marilyn Manson-theme week.

Judge #4
-Judge Judy: Come on, who else is going to insult people as great as Simon did. She's super sassy, super smart, and super fucking rich. Just like Simon. Plus she don't take bullshit from anybody.

There you go, the new and improved American Idol judges table.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, FOX.