Not too long ago a friend of mine mentioned the television show Mad Men and how they were starting to watch it and getting really into it, to which I replied "I fucking love Mad Men." My friend threw her hands in the air and said "What the fuck Emilio, you like EVERYTHING. Every TV show, every movie, almost all music, you can't be obsessed with everything."
Yes, it's true I do like a lot of things pertaining to entertainment and popculture but their are also LOTS, well maybe not lots, but some things that I don't like. And they are usually things that everyone else seems to highly enjoy. So here we go, things Emilio doesn't like, and when I say doesn't like I mean almost hates.
Will Smith: I don't like most of his movies except Men in Black and Independance Day. I think he is extremely over-rated and his son seems like a little shit.
Cop/Lawyer Shows aka Procedural Dramas: There are two types of TV shows, there are serials and procedurals, serial shows have a storyline that is developed every week like Gossip Girl, Lost, Weeds, The Office, etc. Procedurals have a storyline that is developed and solved each week. For example: CSI, Law & Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, NCIS, etc. I HATE PROCEDURALS. I've never seen an entire episode of CSI or SVU or any of those highly unoriginal boring cop shows. I hate them, with a passion. I like my characters to develop each week, I like storylines that take longer than forty minutes to conclude.
The Beatles: I don't dislike The Beatles but I just don't get why they're such a big deal. The only songs I like are Across the Universe, Hey Jude, and Let it Be, other than those I don't think their music is "life-changing" and I don't think it qualifies them as "the bast band ever". I just don't get it, they're alright but not THAT good.
Rent: Won the Pulitzer, really? I think Rent is honestly the one of the most overrated musicals ever, but then again I'm not a big fan of musicals. Rent however just seems like a lifetime movie on crack, literally. It's so mushy and uses cheap tricks to bring the tears. Whatever.My favorite musical is Cats, so what do I know.
Oprah Winfrey: I just hate her.
Moulin Rouge: Out of everything else on this list Moulin Rouge is hands down the one thing I hate most. It is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. The acting is terrible, the plot is bullshit, all of the songs that are sung are basically butchered. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT.
That's all I can think of on the spot, but there are plenty more things that are popular that I hate.
See ya.
Black Swan
"I was perfect"
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
The Hills: Always Bringin' the Drama.
For four years, six seasons, and 102 episodes The Hills has been one of the biggest influences in my life. What started out as a kinda pointless spinoff from one of the best shows ever, Laguna Beach, transformed itself into one of the most mind blowingly addictive reality shows of all time.
This post is dedicated to the greatness that The Hills has brought to my life. You may read this and think "What a fucking tard." or "Whatever, he's just writing about this shit for attention." well let me tell you somethin': I FUCKING LOVE THE HILLS AND I ALWAYS WILL if you don't like it suckmydick. And if you've never given this show a chance then I feel deeply sorry for you, you are missing out my friend.
Let's start by talking about what made The Hills such a joyous experience. Was it the cast of characters? The fun sunny city of LA? The fact that 'Don't Phunk With My Heart' has been played on almost every episode? No. What made The Hills so amazing was the drama. Always the drama. Characters came and went but the drama was always there, and at the end of the day the drama is what people are going to remember most about The Hills. Whether it's the Lauren/Heidi drama, or the Audrina/Justin Bobby drama, or even Stephanie Pratt being a fucking idiot drama, drama is drama and nothing tops drama.
As far as the characters/"real" people on The Hills, they all brought something special to the drama table. Leading ladies like Kristin, Lauren, and Heidi would be nothing without the side players like Kelly Cutrone, or Stacie "The Bartender", or even Enzo. Let's go through each major/kinda important person and see what made them so "special".
Lauren-Of course the top dog of The Hills, we met her in Laguna Beach when she was a whiny pushover bitch and she didn't change her pushover whinyness until season three when the infamous "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID" quarrel took place. That was when Lauren finally became a leading lady with some character. She had her ups and downs personality wise but there was definitely a nice character arc there. She went from being a my biggest headache to growing some balls, kinda. In the end she proved that her life was interesting enough to carry a show for four and a half seasons.
Heidi-Oh Heidi, where do I begin. She was Lauren's little annoying boy-looking friend to one of the most bizarre people to ever grace my television screen. Season one I didn't care for her. Season two came around and so did Spencer Pratt, we'll get to him later, and Heidi became a whole lot more interesting. Then the sextape rumors started about Lauren and Heidi became the first bitch of The Hills. Season three was all about Heidi morphing into the villainess of the show but she could never really make me hate her because she was too naive to know what was going on, and the banter between her and Spencer is priceless. Season four-six was involved her lame ass family and her and Spencer getting married and getting a house and a bunch of pointless boring shit. In the end she got her mega plastic surgery and was basically kicked off the show Survivor style. I miss season two Heidi. . .
Audrina-Poor Audrina, always the bridesmaid never the bride. For five seasons she had to play second or third fiddle to Lauren and Heidi and then Lauren leaves and Heidi becomes boring and just when she thinks she'll finally get her chance to shine Kristin Cavallari comes in and steals the show. You got to hand it to the girl, she stuck it out from the beginning to the very end and she's the only character that was in both the series premiere and the series finale. She's the only of one of the original golden foursome (Lauren, Heidi, Audrina, Whitney) that made it to the end. Audrina, like Heidi, didn't get interesting until season three when good old Justin Bobby rolled in to the picture, drama. Audrina was kind of blah for a long time. I didn't know if she could be bitchy or be funny or be anything until she finally put on her reality star boots in season four and started shit with Lauren. Audrina to me is the girl that I was always hoping would just figure out what she wants and honestly it wasn't until the final season that I realized she's kind of a kickass girl who is just really chill.
Whitney-Hmm, let's see. Oh yeah Whitney was on The Hills for four seasons and then the bitch bounced and moved to New York to film her own show 'The City', which has improved drastically. Whitney on The Hills was Lauren's sidekick, let's be honest, she didn't work hard enough for that spot on the opening credits. But she was there because we needed four girls. Not to hate on Whitney though, she was the smartest person to on The Hills, period. She was level headed and her advice to Lauren was always classy and legit. She makes the best reaction faces. I only have fond memories of her Lauren chatting it up in the Teen Vogue offices. Whitney was a class act and honestly I liked her better on The Hills than I do in The City.
Spencer-AKA the villain of The Hills. Every show needs a good villain and Spencer is one of the best television villains ever. Hands down. He turned the show from being "okay" to "holy shit did you watch the hills last night? fucking spencer. . ." AKA he saved the show. Spencer was/is a douchebag, there's no doubt about that, but he's also really fucking smart. He made a career out of dating Heidi and he said the funniest shit on The Hills. He could start drama out of anything and he mostly always did. My favorite moments of his involve Spencer and either Stephanie or Holly and he will just sit there and verbally abuse either one, or both, and it will be totally awkward and unbelievably hilarious. Spencer Pratt is reality gold. Too bad he had to go all fucking crazy and get kicked off the show, with Heidi.
Brody-The prince charming of The Hills. I just love that he was both the main love interest for Lauren and Kristin. HAHAHA. Anyway, Brody well not "anyway" cus that's all Brody really was. A love interest. He was only involved in drama that dealt with relationships, he also brought that crazy bitch Jayde into the show and that was pretty funny. Oh yeah, him and Spencer used to be besties. . .WAIT I know what Brody did, he brough guys into the world of The Hills. Before Brody there was just the original golden foursome and the guys they were kinda dating for a bit, then Brody came along, fucked Lauren, and introduced the golden foursome to some guys. Guys like Frankie and Sleazy T who have now become permanent fixtures on the show. THEY EVEN GET THEIR OWN SCENES.
Stephanie Pratt- Let me tell you something about Stephanie Pratt. No one has worked nearly as hard as this girl to get on this show. This bitch started off by yelling at Lauren at a club and we all thought that was the last of the She-Spencer but no, NO. She enrolled her ass into Lauren's computer class, made friends with her, ditched her loser brother and after three and a half seasons of hard work and determination got her name and face into the opening credits. This girl put in major work to make it, unlike Whitney who just sat there and listened to Lauren. I'm glad Stephanie made it on the show. For the longest time she was the go-between person for Heidi and Lauren and then that shit ended so she went for the vacant Whitney sidekick role then the drama with her and Spencer started happening so I was like "Damn girl, you got your own drama?! Get it." She's now the comic relief of the show with her witty remarks like "What's lacrosse?"
Kristin-"YES YES YES. THE BITCH REALLY IS BACK." Those were my exact words when Kristin finished her first catfight on The Hills. First of all, it was her first major scene and it ended with her getting into it with almost ALL the girls on The Hills and she won. "Is that how it's going to be? Cus if that's how it's going to be then fucking bring it bitch." After she uttered those lines my worries were pushed aside and I knew that my favorite Laguna girl was back and she meant business. Midway through season five Heidi and Spencer got married and Lauren left the show. Rumors were being heard that Kristin Cavallari, Lauren's arch Laguna Beach nemesis, was going to come in for a couple of episodes once Lauren left. Then it became that she was doing like ten episodes, then this bitch showed up at the Speidi wedding strutted down the main aisle and I knew, I just knew she was replacing Lauren. Then it was confirmed that Kristin was permanently taking Lauren's spot as the lead on The Hills. I, of course, FLIPPED OUT. Kristin was my favorite person ever when she was on Laguna, I fucking loved her. On The Hills, Kristin was just like her Laguna Beach self except there was something about her that was a lot tougher, not meaner or cattier, but more like "I'm the lead now, and you guys can suck my dick cus I'm bout to drive a fucking drama train through this show because that's what they brought me here to do." And she delivered. She made an immediate enemy out of Audrina, made Stacie the bartender her sidekick, fucked Justin Bobby, fucked Brody, and that was all in half a season. Now in the final season she relaxed a bit and is settling into her lead role, she's a lot more relatable and almost kinder. All in all, bringing Kristin in when Lauren left was the best decision the producers ever made.
Lo-I'm still baffled that Lo stayed on the show without Lauren. We all know that Lo and LC are BFFs from Laguna and that's why she made it on The Hills in the first place. When Lo first made a guest appearance I loved seeing her. I missed Lo. Then the more and more she was on the show the more I thought "Well why not just get rid of Whitney and throw Lo into the opening credits, bitch is on every episode anyway." Then Lauren left and Lo still was on the new season and it threw me for a loop. But she's cool so whatever, now she's on the credits and we met her boyfriend Scott and she fits in nicely in this final season.
Justin Bobby-Justin? Bobby? Justin Bobby! From the moment he told Lo "You can call me whatever the hell you want." With that Johnny Depp as Capt. Jack Sparrow drawl in his voice I knew The Hills had found its most interesting character yet. Justin Bobby started out by being Audrina's unofficial boyfriend. He dressed like a homeless person, said the craziest shit, "I believe truth and time tells all.", and he hated Lauren. Which caused major drama with Audrina and Lauren but he really just didn't give a shit. He didn't give a shit about anything. Oh yeah, then he fucked with Kristin for a hot second and he recently came back this season for Audrina but she finally, FINALLY turned him down. Justin Bobby. . .I shall only have fond memories of you and your fucked up view of the world. Oh yeah, fun fact he's a legit hair-stylist in LA.
Stacie "The Bartender"-In season five Stacie was brought in as a love interest for Spencer and she was annoying as shit. Then she left for a good six episodes and then went to Spencer and Heidi's wedding, and when Frankie saw her and said something like "She's hot" I knew she was sticking around and I didn't like it. At all. She annoyed the shit out of me up until like two weeks ago when I realized that "Oh yeah, Kristin needs a sidekick, I guess Stacie is an okay sidekick" even though I'm still confused as to how she went from serving Spencer drinks to partying with Kristin.
Frankie-Frankie is Brody's BFF. He made out with Lo once. He's Hispanic. Fun fact: He was on Laguna Beach. Uhh, yeah. He's Brody's Whitney/Stacie. Except he just becomes more and more pointless and annoying as the show goeson.
There have of course been lots of other characters that have come in and out of this glorious program, like: Jen Bunney (dumbass skank), Enzo (dumbass kid), Allie Lutz (crazy dumbass skank), Mikayla (clueless Brody stalker), Ryan Cabrera (didn't we leave him on The Ashlee Simpson Show?), the endless amount of guys Audrina went on dates with, Jason Wahler (fat douchebag), Heidi's boyfriend from the first season and his douchey roomate, Holly Montag (drunk dumbass), Heidi's Mom (stop crying all the time) and many many more.
I'll be back later with my TOP TEN HILLS DRAMA.
This post is dedicated to the greatness that The Hills has brought to my life. You may read this and think "What a fucking tard." or "Whatever, he's just writing about this shit for attention." well let me tell you somethin': I FUCKING LOVE THE HILLS AND I ALWAYS WILL if you don't like it suckmydick. And if you've never given this show a chance then I feel deeply sorry for you, you are missing out my friend.
Let's start by talking about what made The Hills such a joyous experience. Was it the cast of characters? The fun sunny city of LA? The fact that 'Don't Phunk With My Heart' has been played on almost every episode? No. What made The Hills so amazing was the drama. Always the drama. Characters came and went but the drama was always there, and at the end of the day the drama is what people are going to remember most about The Hills. Whether it's the Lauren/Heidi drama, or the Audrina/Justin Bobby drama, or even Stephanie Pratt being a fucking idiot drama, drama is drama and nothing tops drama.
As far as the characters/"real" people on The Hills, they all brought something special to the drama table. Leading ladies like Kristin, Lauren, and Heidi would be nothing without the side players like Kelly Cutrone, or Stacie "The Bartender", or even Enzo. Let's go through each major/kinda important person and see what made them so "special".
Lauren-Of course the top dog of The Hills, we met her in Laguna Beach when she was a whiny pushover bitch and she didn't change her pushover whinyness until season three when the infamous "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID" quarrel took place. That was when Lauren finally became a leading lady with some character. She had her ups and downs personality wise but there was definitely a nice character arc there. She went from being a my biggest headache to growing some balls, kinda. In the end she proved that her life was interesting enough to carry a show for four and a half seasons.
Heidi-Oh Heidi, where do I begin. She was Lauren's little annoying boy-looking friend to one of the most bizarre people to ever grace my television screen. Season one I didn't care for her. Season two came around and so did Spencer Pratt, we'll get to him later, and Heidi became a whole lot more interesting. Then the sextape rumors started about Lauren and Heidi became the first bitch of The Hills. Season three was all about Heidi morphing into the villainess of the show but she could never really make me hate her because she was too naive to know what was going on, and the banter between her and Spencer is priceless. Season four-six was involved her lame ass family and her and Spencer getting married and getting a house and a bunch of pointless boring shit. In the end she got her mega plastic surgery and was basically kicked off the show Survivor style. I miss season two Heidi. . .
Audrina-Poor Audrina, always the bridesmaid never the bride. For five seasons she had to play second or third fiddle to Lauren and Heidi and then Lauren leaves and Heidi becomes boring and just when she thinks she'll finally get her chance to shine Kristin Cavallari comes in and steals the show. You got to hand it to the girl, she stuck it out from the beginning to the very end and she's the only character that was in both the series premiere and the series finale. She's the only of one of the original golden foursome (Lauren, Heidi, Audrina, Whitney) that made it to the end. Audrina, like Heidi, didn't get interesting until season three when good old Justin Bobby rolled in to the picture, drama. Audrina was kind of blah for a long time. I didn't know if she could be bitchy or be funny or be anything until she finally put on her reality star boots in season four and started shit with Lauren. Audrina to me is the girl that I was always hoping would just figure out what she wants and honestly it wasn't until the final season that I realized she's kind of a kickass girl who is just really chill.
Whitney-Hmm, let's see. Oh yeah Whitney was on The Hills for four seasons and then the bitch bounced and moved to New York to film her own show 'The City', which has improved drastically. Whitney on The Hills was Lauren's sidekick, let's be honest, she didn't work hard enough for that spot on the opening credits. But she was there because we needed four girls. Not to hate on Whitney though, she was the smartest person to on The Hills, period. She was level headed and her advice to Lauren was always classy and legit. She makes the best reaction faces. I only have fond memories of her Lauren chatting it up in the Teen Vogue offices. Whitney was a class act and honestly I liked her better on The Hills than I do in The City.
Spencer-AKA the villain of The Hills. Every show needs a good villain and Spencer is one of the best television villains ever. Hands down. He turned the show from being "okay" to "holy shit did you watch the hills last night? fucking spencer. . ." AKA he saved the show. Spencer was/is a douchebag, there's no doubt about that, but he's also really fucking smart. He made a career out of dating Heidi and he said the funniest shit on The Hills. He could start drama out of anything and he mostly always did. My favorite moments of his involve Spencer and either Stephanie or Holly and he will just sit there and verbally abuse either one, or both, and it will be totally awkward and unbelievably hilarious. Spencer Pratt is reality gold. Too bad he had to go all fucking crazy and get kicked off the show, with Heidi.
Brody-The prince charming of The Hills. I just love that he was both the main love interest for Lauren and Kristin. HAHAHA. Anyway, Brody well not "anyway" cus that's all Brody really was. A love interest. He was only involved in drama that dealt with relationships, he also brought that crazy bitch Jayde into the show and that was pretty funny. Oh yeah, him and Spencer used to be besties. . .WAIT I know what Brody did, he brough guys into the world of The Hills. Before Brody there was just the original golden foursome and the guys they were kinda dating for a bit, then Brody came along, fucked Lauren, and introduced the golden foursome to some guys. Guys like Frankie and Sleazy T who have now become permanent fixtures on the show. THEY EVEN GET THEIR OWN SCENES.
Stephanie Pratt- Let me tell you something about Stephanie Pratt. No one has worked nearly as hard as this girl to get on this show. This bitch started off by yelling at Lauren at a club and we all thought that was the last of the She-Spencer but no, NO. She enrolled her ass into Lauren's computer class, made friends with her, ditched her loser brother and after three and a half seasons of hard work and determination got her name and face into the opening credits. This girl put in major work to make it, unlike Whitney who just sat there and listened to Lauren. I'm glad Stephanie made it on the show. For the longest time she was the go-between person for Heidi and Lauren and then that shit ended so she went for the vacant Whitney sidekick role then the drama with her and Spencer started happening so I was like "Damn girl, you got your own drama?! Get it." She's now the comic relief of the show with her witty remarks like "What's lacrosse?"
Kristin-"YES YES YES. THE BITCH REALLY IS BACK." Those were my exact words when Kristin finished her first catfight on The Hills. First of all, it was her first major scene and it ended with her getting into it with almost ALL the girls on The Hills and she won. "Is that how it's going to be? Cus if that's how it's going to be then fucking bring it bitch." After she uttered those lines my worries were pushed aside and I knew that my favorite Laguna girl was back and she meant business. Midway through season five Heidi and Spencer got married and Lauren left the show. Rumors were being heard that Kristin Cavallari, Lauren's arch Laguna Beach nemesis, was going to come in for a couple of episodes once Lauren left. Then it became that she was doing like ten episodes, then this bitch showed up at the Speidi wedding strutted down the main aisle and I knew, I just knew she was replacing Lauren. Then it was confirmed that Kristin was permanently taking Lauren's spot as the lead on The Hills. I, of course, FLIPPED OUT. Kristin was my favorite person ever when she was on Laguna, I fucking loved her. On The Hills, Kristin was just like her Laguna Beach self except there was something about her that was a lot tougher, not meaner or cattier, but more like "I'm the lead now, and you guys can suck my dick cus I'm bout to drive a fucking drama train through this show because that's what they brought me here to do." And she delivered. She made an immediate enemy out of Audrina, made Stacie the bartender her sidekick, fucked Justin Bobby, fucked Brody, and that was all in half a season. Now in the final season she relaxed a bit and is settling into her lead role, she's a lot more relatable and almost kinder. All in all, bringing Kristin in when Lauren left was the best decision the producers ever made.
Lo-I'm still baffled that Lo stayed on the show without Lauren. We all know that Lo and LC are BFFs from Laguna and that's why she made it on The Hills in the first place. When Lo first made a guest appearance I loved seeing her. I missed Lo. Then the more and more she was on the show the more I thought "Well why not just get rid of Whitney and throw Lo into the opening credits, bitch is on every episode anyway." Then Lauren left and Lo still was on the new season and it threw me for a loop. But she's cool so whatever, now she's on the credits and we met her boyfriend Scott and she fits in nicely in this final season.
Justin Bobby-Justin? Bobby? Justin Bobby! From the moment he told Lo "You can call me whatever the hell you want." With that Johnny Depp as Capt. Jack Sparrow drawl in his voice I knew The Hills had found its most interesting character yet. Justin Bobby started out by being Audrina's unofficial boyfriend. He dressed like a homeless person, said the craziest shit, "I believe truth and time tells all.", and he hated Lauren. Which caused major drama with Audrina and Lauren but he really just didn't give a shit. He didn't give a shit about anything. Oh yeah, then he fucked with Kristin for a hot second and he recently came back this season for Audrina but she finally, FINALLY turned him down. Justin Bobby. . .I shall only have fond memories of you and your fucked up view of the world. Oh yeah, fun fact he's a legit hair-stylist in LA.
Stacie "The Bartender"-In season five Stacie was brought in as a love interest for Spencer and she was annoying as shit. Then she left for a good six episodes and then went to Spencer and Heidi's wedding, and when Frankie saw her and said something like "She's hot" I knew she was sticking around and I didn't like it. At all. She annoyed the shit out of me up until like two weeks ago when I realized that "Oh yeah, Kristin needs a sidekick, I guess Stacie is an okay sidekick" even though I'm still confused as to how she went from serving Spencer drinks to partying with Kristin.
Frankie-Frankie is Brody's BFF. He made out with Lo once. He's Hispanic. Fun fact: He was on Laguna Beach. Uhh, yeah. He's Brody's Whitney/Stacie. Except he just becomes more and more pointless and annoying as the show goeson.
There have of course been lots of other characters that have come in and out of this glorious program, like: Jen Bunney (dumbass skank), Enzo (dumbass kid), Allie Lutz (crazy dumbass skank), Mikayla (clueless Brody stalker), Ryan Cabrera (didn't we leave him on The Ashlee Simpson Show?), the endless amount of guys Audrina went on dates with, Jason Wahler (fat douchebag), Heidi's boyfriend from the first season and his douchey roomate, Holly Montag (drunk dumbass), Heidi's Mom (stop crying all the time) and many many more.
I'll be back later with my TOP TEN HILLS DRAMA.
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