Krunk TV Times Are Coming. . .

Pretty Little Liars, aka the most addictive show of all time, is back tonight and it is kicking off a week that's celebrating the return of some of the shows to have ever graced a television screen (Skins, Jersey Shore, etc.)

In honor of this beautiful week of television that I'm about to experience. Here are some returning, and brand spanking new shows, that I'm looking forward to in the next few months.

- Skins: I'm talking about both the American and U.K. versions. The original Skins is in it's fifth seaso/series and it's back with a brand spanking new cast. This show is just plain amazing and brilliant and no matter what cast they are working with it just is unlike anything I've ever seen before. So raw, so real, so GOOD. The writing, directing, and acting is just a thousand times better than any other teen drama out there. The American version is either going to be a giant mess or it's going to change the way America makes shows for teenagers.

- Game of Thrones: This new series coming to HBO is based on one the best book series I've ever read and it's going to be unlike anything that's ever been on television. It deals with Kings and Queens and magic and dragons but it takes that to a whole other level with it's use of sex and violence. These characters are all so well rounded that it's hard to decide who is the hero and who is the villain.

- American Idol: A year ago I was convinced that since Simon was leaving this show so was I. And after Lee was crowned the winner I was convinced I was done with this show. Then they announced the new judges, Steven Tyler and J.Lo, and I was intrigued. THEN Nigel Lythgoe came back as a producer and he completely remodeled the structure of the show. After seeing some of the new promos that show J.Lo actually being inspirational and Steven Tyler being understandable I'm really intrigued.

- Justified: The best show you aren't watching. Timothy Olyphant is kicking ass so hard in this show that I can't even handle it.

- The Real Housewives of New York City: After having to sit through both Real Housewives of DC and Beverly Hills I'm ready for women that are actually worth watching. Even though Bethenny's gone the previews show Sonja finally getting some spunk and manning up to the other girls. Can't wait, I've missed these crazies.

- Jersey Shore: Speaking of crazies. New season, same guidos. Now there back at the actual Jersey Shore and back at everyone's favorite club, Karma. If anything tune into see Snooki's arrest.

Lists, and Lists, and More M*therf*cking Lists.

Hey, umm, yeah, haven't been on this in almost exactly four months. Been kinda busy lately, you know how it is. Anyway, I'm back and I'm going to TRY and update this more often but I just forget about it.

So here we go. My top ten lists for Movies, TV, and Music. Keep in mind that these are the things that were MY favorite, not that I think they should your favorite things or Oprah's favorite or anybody's favorite things. I just really love lists and I like making lists.

Also, keep in mind that I didn't see every movie this year and I also didn't watch every television show and listen to every album that came out this year. Let's be reasonable.

Kay, here we go for real this time. And yes these are in order from 10-1, 1 being my absolute favorite.

MOVIES:
10. Inception
9. The Fighter
8. True Grit
7. Kick-Ass
6. Let Me In
5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One
4. Toy Story 3
3. The Kids Are All Right
2. Black Swan
1. The Social Network

Honorable Mentions: The King's Speech, Easy A, The Town, Winter's Bone, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Jackass 3D (each provided a different kind of entertainment)

MUSIC:
10. Rihanna-'Loud'
9. Arcade Fire-'The Suburbs'
8. Hurts-'Happiness'
7. Taylor Swift-'Speak Now'
6. The xx-'XX'
5. Drake-'Thank Me Later'
4. The Pretty Reckless-'Light Me Up'
3. Shakira-'Sale el Sol'
2. Robyn-'Body Talk'
1. Kanye West-'My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy'

Honorable Mentions: B.o.B., Ke$ha, Nicki Minaj, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Katy Perry

TELEVISION:
10. Supernatural
9. Parks and Recreations
8. Lost
7. Justified
6. Skins
5. True Blood
4. Sons of Anarchy
3. The Vampire Diaries
2. Modern Family
1. Mad Men

Honorable Mentions: The Office, Grey's Anatomy, Smallville, Gossip Girl, Sarah Palin's Alaska.

Those are my choices, love 'em or hate 'em. I like what I like suckas.

See you guys next year.

So You Think You Can Judge?

As you all may know I'm a die hard American Idol fan. Well, I was until last season happened, fuck you Lee. And now that Simon is officially gone I honestly don't really have a reason to watch anymore. . .until I heard that Ellen was also leaving and that Kara Diowhateverthefuck might get kicked out of the judges table.

SHIT JUST GOT REAL.
This opened up a shit ton of possibilities for a show that many people think should've ended 2 or 3 years ago.

As you may know, or should know, lots of names have been thrown around as possible new judges. Justin Timberlake, Elton John, Pharrell, Mariah Carey, Shania Twain, Harry Connick Jr, Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler, etc.

Basically half of these names are absolute bullshit. Elton John? Not gonna happen. Justin Timberlake? Definitely not gonna happen. Pharrell? Probably won't happen. Mariah Carey? Meh, it could happen since her career is in the shits.

So really the only people who really might join are Harry, Shania, Jennifer, and Steven Tyler. Honestly it's probably going to be J.Lo and Steven Tyler because they both are pretty much confirmed and they're both fine with me.

BUT THEN, I started thinking about who could take that show and turn it upside down ass up.

THEN, I started making a whole new judge line-up in my head and I think I finally have it nailed down.

Fuck all the people that I listed up there, kick Kara's dumbass to the street, air life Randy's fatass out of there.

THESE IS WHAT THE NEW AND IMPROVED AMERICAN IDOL JUDGES' TABLE SHOULD LOOK LIKE STARTING TWO WEEKS FROM NOW WHEN AUDITIONS REALLY START.
(Note, I am listing the judges in the order they should be seated from left to right, because some of these crazies won't work well sitting next to each other.)

Judge #1
-Tyra Banks: Her talk show is over, she doesn't know shit about music (so she's perfect to replace Ellen) and she's uber full of herself, like Simon. The big bonus is all the batshit crazy talk she'll spew out the moment it comes into her gigantic head, she won't care if a contestant isn't done singing she'll just go on about how fat she is now or some dumb shit like that.

Judge #2
-Justin Bieber: Yes, he maybe only 16 but he has more talent in that perfectly coiffed hairdo than most people have in their whole body. Plus, WHO DOESN'T HAVE BIEBER FEVER?!?!?!

Judge #3
-Marilyn Manson: He can dress crazier than Paula and yet still be a little less creepier than Kara. He knows his shit about music, he won't talk about Seacrest's sex life like Simon did, and he probably won't say much so that way Tyra can still have plenty of time to talk about her weave and shit. He can also mentor the inevitable Marilyn Manson-theme week.

Judge #4
-Judge Judy: Come on, who else is going to insult people as great as Simon did. She's super sassy, super smart, and super fucking rich. Just like Simon. Plus she don't take bullshit from anybody.

There you go, the new and improved American Idol judges table.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, FOX.

The Emmys snuck up on me. . .

I've been so busy with "school" and shit lately that I almost completely forgot about the Emmy Awards, my second favorite awards show. The Emmys get a lot of shit for being boring and long, even though they're usually as funny and shorter than the oscars. And the actual trophies/awards are pretty badass, with the angel holding a globe and shit. Anyways, I love TV and I love awards. Here are my predictions on the categories that count.

DRAMA
OUTSTANDING DRAMA
Lost
Breaking Bad
Dexter
Mad Men
True Blood
The Good Wife
Should Win: True Blood. Even though the current season is better, last season was absolute entertainment.
Will Win: Lost. I would say Mad Men but last season wasn't it's best. And Emmy loves rewarding shows that have recently passed on.

OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)
Mariska Hargitay (Special Victims Unit)
Glenn Close (Damages)
Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
January Jones (Mad Men)
Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights)
Should Win: Connie Britton. She is hands down the best actress on TV at this point.
Will Win: Julianna Margulies. She does amazing work in The Good Wife and she has the one thing none of these other actresses have, HYPE.

OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Jon Hamm (Mad Men)
Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights)
Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad)
Hugh Laurie (House M.D.)
Michael C. Hall (Dexter)
Matthew Fox (Lost)
Should Win: Kyke Chandler. The best actor currently on TV. It's also a shame that Hugh Laurie still hasn't won Emmy.
Will Win: Bryan Cranston. Threepeat, and he really is amazing in Breaking Bad, I also wouldn't be surprised if Matthew Fox sneaks in there.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
John Slattery (Mad Men)
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad)
Martin Short (Damages)
Terry O’ Quinn (Lost)
Michael Emerson (Lost)
Andre Braugher (Men of a Certain Age)
Should/Will Win: Terry O' Quinn. He proved that an actor can totally rock two different roles in the same show. Almost at the same time.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Sharon Gless (Burn Notice)
Christine Baranski (The Good Wife)
Christina Hendricks (Mad Men)
Rose Byrne (Damages)
Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife)
Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men)
Should Win: Christina Hendricks. Who doesn't love Joan?
Will Win: Rose Byrne. Damages may not get the viewers but this past season was Rose's best work. And Emmy already proved its love for her co-star Glenn Close.

COMEDY
OUTSTANDING COMEDY
Glee
Modern Family
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Nurse Jackie
30 Rock
The Office
Should/Will Win: Modern Family. One of the funniest shows of ALL TIME. Glee could also win but the second half of its season was pretty bad.

OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Lea Michele (Glee)
Tina Fey (30 Rock)
Toni Collette (The United States of Tara)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine)
Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie)
Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation)
Should Win: Amy Poehler. Parks and Rec is fucking hilarious and Poehler is rocking that shit. Lea is krunk too but her best acting comes from the dramatic scenes.
Will Win: Probably Falco or Collette. Whatever.

OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)
Matthew Morrison (Glee)
Steve Carell (The Office)
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)
Tony Shalhoub (Monk)
Should Win: Steve Carell. Still can't believe he hasn't won one of these already.
Will Win: Jim Parsons. He has great timing, and same as Marguiles, HYPE.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Chris Colfer (Glee)
Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)
Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family)
Jon Cryer (Two and A Half Men)
Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)
Ty Burrell (Modern Family)
Should Win: Chris Colfer. The best male actor on Glee his performance is highly underrated.
Will Win: Eric Stonestreet or Ty Burrell. They both deserve it and are both equally hilarious.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Jane Lynch (Glee)
Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live)
Jane Krakowski (30 Rock)
Julie Bowen (Modern Family)
Sofia Vergara (Modern Family)
Holland Taylor (Two and A Half Men)
Should/Will Win: Jane Lynch. Sue Sylvester, nuff said.

REALITY
OUTSTANDING REALITY SHOW HOST
Ryan Seacrest (American Idol)
Phil Keoghan (The Amazing Race)
Tom Bergeron (Dancing with the Stars)
Heidi Klum (Project Runway)
Jeff Probst (Survivor)
Should Win: Heidi Klum. She's uber sassy and awesome.
Will Win: Jeff Probst, I mean he won twice already.

OUTSTANDING REALITY SHOW COMPETITION
Project Runway
Top Chef
The Amazing Race
Dancing wi.h the Stars
American Idol
Should Win: Dancing with the Stars. Did you see Kate Gosselin's 'Paparazzi' dance?!
Will Win: The Amazing Race. It's the only show that has ever won this award.

"I would shoot my mom to. . ."

Lately I've been using the phrase "I would shoot my mom to. . " whenever I really want to do/eat/experience something.

For Example, "I would shoot my mom to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs in concert." Something like that makes sense because the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are one of the best bands on the planet.

But then things started getting out of hand, like when I said "I would shoot my mom to go to a taco stand right now." Really, Emilio? That seems a little out of hand. Why don't you just go to to a taco stand, it's not that a big a deal. You don't have to commit murder to get some tacos.

Anyway, here's a list of things I would really shoot my for, and I don't mean shoot to kill. I mean like shooting her in the thigh or bicep, just flesh wounds.

-"I would shoot my mom to party with the cast of the Jersey Shore."

-"I would shoot my mom for some cheesecake." (coincidentally my favorite cheescake is the kind my mom makes, she's tough though, she can handle cooking with a bleeding wound)

-"I would shoot my mom to be a co-host or even a guest on The View."

-"I would shoot my mom to live in London."

-"I would shoot my mom to not ever have to see a possum again in my life."

-"I would shoot my mom to be on The Real World."

-"I would shoot my mom to be the new judge on American Idol."

-"I would shoot my mom to be the star of my own Branson stage show."

-"I would shoot my mom to be on The Hills, R.I.P."

-"I would shoot my mom to own Pepsi, the whole company."

-"I would shoot my mom to have been able to visit Lindsay Lohan in jail."

-"I would shoot my mom to have hair like Justin Bieber."

-"I would shoot my mom to have a dinner party with Hillary Clinton, Amy Winehouse, Miley Cyrus, and Kate Gosselin."

-"I would shoot my mom to have my own Harajuku Girl foursome like Gwen Stefani used to have."

-"I would shoot my mom to be able to sing like Aretha Franklin."

-"I would shoot my mom to go bungee jumping/sky diving."

-"I would shoot my mom for my own manatee."

-"I would shoot my mom for Emma Watson/Natalie Portman/Carrie Underwood/Kat Von D/Sarah Palin."

-"I would shoot my mom to be the Meryl Streep of my generation."

-"I would shoot my mom to be the third member of The White Stripes."

-"I would shoot my mom for an NSYNC reunion."

There's many more where that came from, but I feel like my mom doesn't need to get shot at anymore. She ain't 50 Cent.

Gagapalooza.

As many of you, or probably none of you, know this past weekend I attended the music festival known as Lollapalooza in Chicago, Illinois. . .and I had the best weekend of my life.

First of all the drive to Chicago is bullshit, Illinois is 97% corn and 3% Chicago. That's IT.

And my friend Emily and I were trying to get there before 9 pm on Thursday so we could watch Jersey Shore, and after rushing through terrible Missouri traffic we made it into our room at 8:50 ish and turns out our hotel, The Congress, didn't even have MTV. Fuck that.

Anyway, back to weekend.

FRIDAY:
Woke up at 7:50. Left the Hotel at 9:20 ish. Stood in line for a couple of minutes to get our three day wristbands. Then we sat in another line so they could "check" our bags. (P.S. Umm who ever's in charge of bag checking, sucks at their job :P) We made some krunkass friends known as our Chicago Babies, cus they were like 17, and we were there Oklahomies aka Mama and Papa Party. And then once they let us through we ran to get to our first stop. . .

-B.o.B., who was really good live, great way to start things off. He was very energetic and had everyone dancing and getting krunk. Best part was when he ended his set with a cover of MGMT's "Kids" which made everyone go batshit crazy.

After B.o.B. we chilled for a bit, I bought some shades and then we went to our second stop. . .

-The Big Pink, I was really impressed with them, super loud and super fun to dance to, krunk times. After them we rushed to get to. . .

-Semi-Precious Weapons, fucking badass. Honestly super rock n' roll all the way. Poured champagne on the audience, Gaga was there, it was fucking amazing.

-Hot Chip, (with a side of Matt & Kim, cus we could here them while waiting for Hot Chip/GaGa) they were a lot of fun. I really like them now, lots of fun krunk dance songs. Even though they all look kinds old and nerdy they have really good electronic-dance music.

MAIN EVENT: Lady GaGa, there's no way to describe this performance. I don't mean to diminish everyone's experience who went to any of her Monsterball shows because, although this was technically like the Monsterball at Lollapalooza it was so much more than that for her. The thing is she performed at Lolla 3 years ago on the tiny BMI stage and nobody understood her music/performance. And here she is 3 years later rocking out on the fucking MAINSTAGE at Lolla, it was beautiful. I laughed, cried, and danced my fucking ass off. There were over 80,000 people watching her and most of them were there just to see what the fuck she was gonna do, and let me tell you nobody left till it was over. SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

HIGHLIGHT OF FRIDAY: GaGa's stage dive at the end of Semi-Precious' set. I held her hand, and her leg, and her shoe :)


SATURDAY:
Didn't get up super early, probably at like 9ish split up with Emily as I went to go see. . .

-Dragonette, lots and lots of fun. Great way to get my energy up for the rest of the day. Danced and danced and danced. AND Martina pointed at me and the guy next to me who was tripping on shrooms.

I tried meeting my other half, but that didn't happen till post xx but I did find Grace aka one of the four.

-The xx, a lot better than I expected them to be, they had a huge audience, but most people weren't even paying attention. I liked 'em. Love their sound.

After xx Emily and I sat through Deer Tick's set, they weren't impressive, alright I guess. We were waiting for the real draw at the Sony Bloggie stage. . .

-Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, fucking perfect. THIS show is what music festivals are all about. Everyone dancing, singing, and just having a good time with what feels like a crowd of your best friends. Even if you don't know thousands of them. Absolutely perfect.

MAINT EVENT: Phoenix, hahahahahah. So I decided to umm be the tiniest bit inebriated during Phoenix's set and let me tell you, I had a goodass time. I danced everywhere it seemed like, I made friends with this super krunk girl. She was black and I always make friends with krunk black girls, that's a little racist but super true, we had a good time. Emily basically had to walk me back to the hotel :)

HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY: When Alexander (Edward Sharpe) had everyone sit down for the bands impromptu encore. Beautiful.

SUNDAY:
Don't remember when we left the hotel. Anyway,

-Neon Hitch, I had never heard of heard of her before but she played on the same stage that Lady GaGa and Ke$ha played on and look what happened to their careers. There were minor technical mishaps but she was super krunk and she stage dove and she did covers of "Cooler Than Me" and "Seven Nation Army". Love her.

After Neon Hitch Emily and I ate real food for once: Gyro and Burrito. Then we decided to get to the Budweiser stage early so we could get good spots for. . .

-MGMT, AHHHHHHHHHHH. So good. They were so into the performance which was a relief because they were starting to get a rep for not having stage presence. But at Lolla they killed it, completely. The sucky part were the tons of crowd surfers who kept interrupting my dancing/jamming out to krunk songs.

MAINT EVENT: Arcade Fire, they played on the same stage as MGMT so I decided to stay which almost killed me cus I almost passed out due to lack of water and just being tired but it was fucking worth it. Arcade Fire was mind-blowingly brilliant, so much energy from everyone. Honestly they are one of those bands that blows your mind when you see them live, so genius and amazing and all those great adjectives. Great way to end the weekend.

HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY: Arcade Fire's encore performance of "Wake Up". It changed my life, so exquisitely beautiful.

That's the end of it, unless you want to read about all the TNT Emily and I watched over the weekend. Or how my voice still sounds like a smoke a carton of cigs a day from all the hootin and hollerin.

See Ya,

P.S. Go to a music festival, preferably Lolla cus it's alot cleaner than the others, if you get a chance.

Things I Don't Like That Everyone Likes.

Not too long ago a friend of mine mentioned the television show Mad Men and how they were starting to watch it and getting really into it, to which I replied "I fucking love Mad Men." My friend threw her hands in the air and said "What the fuck Emilio, you like EVERYTHING. Every TV show, every movie, almost all music, you can't be obsessed with everything."

Yes, it's true I do like a lot of things pertaining to entertainment and popculture but their are also LOTS, well maybe not lots, but some things that I don't like. And they are usually things that everyone else seems to highly enjoy. So here we go, things Emilio doesn't like, and when I say doesn't like I mean almost hates.

Will Smith: I don't like most of his movies except Men in Black and Independance Day. I think he is extremely over-rated and his son seems like a little shit.

Cop/Lawyer Shows aka Procedural Dramas: There are two types of TV shows, there are serials and procedurals, serial shows have a storyline that is developed every week like Gossip Girl, Lost, Weeds, The Office, etc. Procedurals have a storyline that is developed and solved each week. For example: CSI, Law & Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, NCIS, etc. I HATE PROCEDURALS. I've never seen an entire episode of CSI or SVU or any of those highly unoriginal boring cop shows. I hate them, with a passion. I like my characters to develop each week, I like storylines that take longer than forty minutes to conclude.

The Beatles: I don't dislike The Beatles but I just don't get why they're such a big deal. The only songs I like are Across the Universe, Hey Jude, and Let it Be, other than those I don't think their music is "life-changing" and I don't think it qualifies them as "the bast band ever". I just don't get it, they're alright but not THAT good.

Rent: Won the Pulitzer, really? I think Rent is honestly the one of the most overrated musicals ever, but then again I'm not a big fan of musicals. Rent however just seems like a lifetime movie on crack, literally. It's so mushy and uses cheap tricks to bring the tears. Whatever.My favorite musical is Cats, so what do I know.

Oprah Winfrey: I just hate her.

Moulin Rouge: Out of everything else on this list Moulin Rouge is hands down the one thing I hate most. It is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. The acting is terrible, the plot is bullshit, all of the songs that are sung are basically butchered. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT.

That's all I can think of on the spot, but there are plenty more things that are popular that I hate.

See ya.